The Baby Meet and Greet || Infertility

So, a few weeks ago one of my oldest friends had his first child and it is really amazing to see someone I have known for 20 years now become a dad. If I’m honest I always thought this would be something we would go through together? You know, get married, have babies, meet for coffee and moan about how tired we were, or the funny things the our kids had been saying. This hasn’t happened that way for us, and I just wanted to run through a few things I did to help with the baby meet and greet.

This is just what worked for me and I can’t guarantee it will be the same for you

I made a note of my friends due date and popped it in my calendar and messaged him close to the time, there is nothing worse than unexpectedly getting the NEW BABY text or post and feeling helpless in that moment, it helped me to know what was happening and how to handle it.

I waited a couple of weeks until after he was born and then got in touch with my friend to see about meeting the baby, this was also in some way to help me feel a bit in control of the situation. I knew that if we got a date in soon, it would mean I wouldn’t be left waiting for them to contact me and be anxious and dreading it.

I made sure I spoke my fears out to Matthew and other people around me, just to be sure I knew how I felt and I told myself, it would be ok to pull out at any time.

These three things might seem so simple, but let me tell you they were the things that kept me going and made the visit go so well. I felt like the visit was on my terms and this has been something that I have learnt over time, makes me feel better. I have had too many moments of seeing a baby announcement on Facebook and found myself not knowing how to cope. Sitting at my desk and feeling the all familiar sting of tears in my eyes, tears I can’t hold back, coupled with the pain in the pit of my chest, pain that it set to last. I have figured out along the way how I take some of the control back to make sure I feel confident and comfortable in what’s coming next. This may sound silly but honestly it has been the thing that has helped me to know my limits and handle these encounters better. We did the visit, I met and held the baby and all in all felt pretty good.

One thing I didn’t factor in was how Matthew would find the whole thing, this visit in particular floored him, it affected him much more than I thought it would and he went into the week feeling flat and anxious. If I was to add a number four to the list above, it would this, let your partner do this journey himself and don’t make it all about you. I think I learnt through this even more that he needs time to grieve, and this is going to be in different ways to me. I have to be okay with that, its a loss without a grief for both of us, a grief we navigate differently and one that sneaks up on us, often when we least expect it.

Big love

Ruth xx

#IVF #infertility #BFN #loss #grief #newbaby